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The Hater's Guide To The 2023 Met Gala

If you're anything like me you miss the days of Joan Rivers and when it was ok to be mean to celebrities. Luckily, once a year the Met Gala comes around and we, the noted haters of the internet, get to make fun of the outlandish outfits worn by the prettiest people in the world and also Baz Luhrmann. I've long said the Met Gala is the best celeb happening as there isn't even an ostensible thing everyone pretends to be there for (I guess they have dinner?) it really is just a place for pretty rich people to play dress up and be gawked at like dancing accordion monkeys. So as someone who makes far less money than anyone pictured, let's get to the hating!

In the aftermath of the grueling era of the hashtag so relatable celebs like Chrissy Teigen and J Law, both of whom have been rightfully banished from society for being too annoying, it's refreshing to have a celeb like Doja Cat who's just legitimately batshit insane. Her antics, like dressing up as Karl's beloved cat, have always seemed to come less from headline baiting and more from just being a huge weirdo which I mean kuddos to her. Imagining a guy who's never seen a pic of Doja Cat seeing this and being like "Oh I get why they call her that ok"

Look of the night imo. The men kinda took it this year honestly. Better luck next year ladies! This year's Met Gala is for the FELLAS!

Dua, baby, cmon it's the Met Gala live a little! Yes I know it's a Karl work from the 90s and yes she looks hot as hell because she's Dua Lipa of course she does. But this is no place to look elegant and restrained this isn't the Oscars. Separate note wtf is the carpet design what is going on there?

Wonder Woman Party City ass outfit. Speaking of Olivia Wilde it's hilarious they stopped inviting Jason Sudekis to these things after he got cucked by Harry Styles.

I thought this was Ezra Miler at first and this pic activated my fight or flight response.

Speaking of sex criminals...

Rihanna has more or less put her career on cruise control these past few years: no new music since 2016, giving about 40% effort at her Super Bowl performance, showing up hours late to this year's event. Which, I mean, she's earned it. She's done way better than this in year's past but after a decade plus of nonstop hits and jaw dropping looks she's allowed to coast.

Approaching levels of sedation previously only seen at a Kamala Harris press conference. Good for her, she seems like she's enjoying herself. In those AMC ads do you think they're playing anything on the screen in the theater for her or she's just staring at a blank wall? My money is on the screen being blank but she's not acting she actually is just having a blast looking at it.

Sure why not.

Is there some rule requiring all bisexual celebs to dress like teenage boys in an ill-fitting bar mitzvah suits? Lot of people saying this was a good look, WRONG! The outfit looks like shit! She's just hot! It's a classic mixup!

Big year overall for very hot people in really bad outfits.

Terrific showing from the Crazy Ass White Boy Caucus, excellent work gents. I like to think David Byrne just happened to be biking by and decided to check it out. Speaking of, was Timmy Shabadu at this? Did I miss him?

These 2 are spiritually linked in my mind and no I will not be elaborating. Remember when Jessica Chastain posted a Farrakhan video during the BLM protests in 2020? Wish that had ended with more celebs getting into NOI ideologies.

On the one hand you people need to stop being absolute freaks around Pedro Pascal like let the man live. On the other hand, he's sorta leaning into it showing up dressed like this. Honestly, considering the staggering number of shows and movies he's been in, it is weird that I can't remember a single one where he was any better than unremarkable, but he seems like a nice guy so good for him.

How does Rita Ora keep getting invited to these things what blackmail does she have on Anna Wintour? Gun to your head, which insufferable celeb couple do you think you could stand spending an hour with less: these two or John Legend/Chrissy Teigen? I think I'm going the latter but it's close.

She's doing Matt Weinberger cosplay. Do you think her and David Byrne bumped into each other and if so what was the convo like?

You knew we were ending on this one who else was it gonna be. She ate and left no crumbs. She understood the assignment. She served and IS the moment. Alright have a good night everyone, Ghislane hope you're liking Orange Is The New Black jail.


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