The Mets Gala

Updated: Jan 12


Folks, it's fashion's biggest night out! All the stars are here! We've got actors, members of Congress, TikTok celebs, notably not Nicki Minaj, all the stars! The Met Gala is the perfect social media event because unlike other red carpet goings on it doesn't even pretend to have a unifying thing that everyone is ostensibly there for. It's just rich hot people wearing dumb shit for us, the unwashed masses, to consume.


So without further ado let's get to consumption!



Before we get into any outfits we must acknowledge that the entire event was upstaged by a man in Trinidad who Nicki Minaj's cousin may possibly know whose balls swole up to such a gigantic size that his wife called off their wedding. Every once in a while you can tell you're witnessing history and this is definitely one of those events. This will take its place among the upper pantheon of all time tweets next to the beans tweet, 30-50 feral hogs, and Hulk Hogan eulogizing a still alive Bam Margera.



Nas X remains far more entertaining and interesting than the million other headline-baiting viral celebs. If you're gonna just go completely off theme might as well make it some outlandish shit so kudos to him on this one.



J Lo celebrating Megan Fox's unexpected 2021 cultural resurgence by paying homage to her critically underrated 2010 masterpiece Jonah Hex. At least it wasn't the green Versace dress.



Grimes took a break from scouring Tiktok comment sections accusing her husband (are they married? Haven't rly paid attention to whether or not that happened) of child slavery to show up dressed like a Dark Souls NPC. I mean sure, again not really related to the theme in any way but at least the South African diamond maniac wasn't there. Also lets get Azealia up there next year instead.



Jason Sudekis already did this wearing Jordans to the one a few years back. Speaking of Jason Sudekis thank god Harry Styles was busy last night.



Much like TikTok and Olivia Rodrigo I've been perfectly content just letting Billy Eyelash pass me by in culture without feeling the need to form a strong opinion. Who cares! Not everything is for me! This is a good outfit tho don't rly have any jokes since she actually was one of like 2 people who followed the theme.



We're all in agreement this is a horrendous fit right? Schitt's Creek rly has not gotten the scorn it deserves for ushering in the era of the comedy without actual jokes tv show. Like I'm sure Ted Lasso is perfectly enjoyable but the shit I've read about it from some of the most insufferable people in the world have forever turned me off from it. Speaking of, do you think Jason Sudekis stops getting invited to these types of events in the post-getting cucked by Harry Styles world?



No matter where you are on the political spectrum we can all agree this looks like the Chick-fil-A font.



The drunken Irishwoman (and my current Congresswoman) herself took a break from her various Reddit behavior like wearing a Burqa on the House floor to make some muddled point about how bombing the Middle East is feminist or something or using the N word to criticize Gillibrand for some reason to come dressed like a suffragette which I mean again kuddos to her for being like one of 2 people to actually commit to the theme. It is pretty appropriate that the member of Congress who reps the actual area where the Met Gala takes place is just a rich old white woman so props to her for at least being pretty funny.



Incredible given that they're probably the 2 prettiest people alive how boring of a couple Rihanna and ASAP Rocky are. Ri has done way better in past years lets be honest.



Finally someone respects the real theme and pays homage to Nicki Minaj's cousin's friend in Trinidad's gigantic swollen testicle.



Honestly a very good bit. After Diddy like laid down or something a few years back everyone tries to meme themselves now but this is actually pretty funny.



That's actually me under there shh keep it on the low



????


I've been out of the fashion loop for a minute so nice to see that the fashion press is still basically like what if we were as donkey brained as political journalism but over a field 100x more inconsequential.



Best look of the night. She understood the assignment.



Did Dua Lipa get invited to this? Am I just missing her? Someone send me Dua Lipa's outfit if she was there and I just missed it.


The Mets Gala